For the past two years John and I have been following God’s plan to expand our family. There are so many different avenues to pursue, and at one point or another we have been on the path of just about all of them. We have talked through our desires, our needs, the needs of our kids, our future plans, and how more children fit into those things. It’s been a roller coaster and sometimes I just don’t think my faith is tall enough to ride it.
Matthew 25:14-30English Standard Version (ESV)
The Parable of the Talents
14 “For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants[a] and entrusted to them his property. 15 To one he gave five talents,[b] to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. 16 He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. 17 So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. 18 But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master’s money. 19 Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. 20 And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.’ 21 His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.[c] You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 22 And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here I have made two talents more.’ 23 His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 24 He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, 25 so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.’ 26 But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? 27 Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. 28 So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. 29 For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. 30 And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
Investment is a risky business. Just like the servant who hid his talent in the ground, I want to keep what God has already given me safe. Yet, somehow, I am not at peace with that. God gave us a wonderful family. Our kids are so looking forward to having a little brother and sister to mentor , love, and be friends with. John is longing to spend his vast amounts of fun, love, protection, relationship, and strength on them. I feel that denying these new children the chance to know them is a disservice. I cannot wait to hold them, love on them, take care of them, homeschool them, and share all God has given me with them.
The aspects I struggle with are the when, the how, and protecting my kids from hurt, and negative influence. No matter what we do, our lives will change forever. I want to ensure that change is good.
I have seen God change and recharge my heart through all the twists and turns he has taken us through. Each new situation brings growth. Amazement overtakes me when I consider all he has done, and peace has come in the waiting.
Isaiah 40:31English Standard Version (ESV)
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
All along, the one thing I have refused to let go of is the protection of my children. Funny, I prayed for my kids from before they were conceived, prayed with them through each stage of their lives. I stood before God at church with their father and gave them back to him. And every time I feel the tug of my heart to do something risky (like be a foster parent),I start running to “bury my treasure” under the reasonable excuse of “I have to protect the kids I already have”. And today God said to me “you prayed for these children, you gave me these children, now let me take care of them the way I see fit” Wow, touché God!
Now, I’m not saying that I believe that we are definitely called to be foster parents. What I am saying is that I believe that God doesn’t want me not to be a foster parent just because I refuse to allow him to dictate my children’s lives. I have marveled at his ability to change my heart and open it in a split second over and over again. Why would I expect him to do any less for my kids? Who am I to say “God you are just an honorary parent, I am the one who has to protect them”? God is the best “banker” I could ever entrust my treasure to! He will make sure it is protected and grown the proper way. After all, the servant who was given the most, invested the most, and reaped the most reward. He didn’t loose his treasure, he multiplied it. Speaking of multiplying: didn’t God tell Adam and Eve to do just that?