Tag Archives: everything and nothing has changed

Filed under miscellaneous

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When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. This statement is meant to wrap into a neat little package the inevitable undesirable circumstances life brings and tie it up with a ribbon. To be identified, solved and put away. The ability to process information and file it away where it belongs is how we handle all things negative and positive: both to remember and to forget. What happens, though, when you are faced with information that just will not compute? Where do you file things that are so unimaginable that you will never forget and will never understand, or worse, are afraid to understand fearing it will leave a permanent stain?

How do you recover from pain that follows you the rest of you life? Dreams unrealized, expectations obliterated, illusions shattered by those who were supposed to shelter you, what do you do with these?

Sometimes it feels as if we must break them up into smaller pieces and file them in the places those pieces alone fit. However, doing that leaves fragments behind that don’t belong anywhere and are missing information that helped them remain tangible. Essentially leaving us right back where we started except now the information is scattered. The only hope we have of ever moving forward is for them to be kept together. A whole, a file containing all of the information. This means that when we remember, we remember it all. When we forget, we forget it all. It also means that we will never remember or forget for long.

When no amount of organizing or processing is effective we must add the file as a whole to “Miscellaneous”. We must allow our selves to explore the pain, to grieve, to savor the good refusing to believe that it wasn’t real. We must also allow ourselves to be broken so that we can begin to pick up the pieces. I am convinced, anything less will hold us back from healthy emotional connections and the continued genuine presentation of our selves. Bitterness and resolve are opposite sides of a coin. We must decide which side we are on. Pushing everything aside or breaking it apart will lead to bitterness and leave us with leftover pieces that will never be filed away. Wholeness comes with the strength gained from walking through the pain of being shattered and put back together better than we were before. A mirror once broken produces the best rainbows!

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A blast from the past

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My husband is out of town, and to console myself I ate some chocolate covered almonds and I have been watching hours of Gilmore girls episodes, and I was looking through an old blog and I realized that not much has changed in my little life since last year at this time. I could totally tweak this a tiny bit and make this currant. But I also realized that what I take as original thought isn’t exactly original. I mean it is all mine, it’s just that I tend to say the same things over and over. As I take a moment to laugh at myself and also enjoy this little trip down memory lane (which is much shorter than I thought hahaha) I invite you to join me. Here is my blog from the beginning of our school year 2012:
Today begins day three of our second year of homeschooling. I know I should have started writing about it three days ago, but I’ve been more than a little bit busy, and unusually wordless. For those who know me personally, that fact is debatable, however, my ability to talk “the hind leg off a mule”and my ability to translate that particular talent to paper (or in this case blog) is a different story altogether.
John, my husband of nearly ten years, traveled out of down on business, driving to the airport in the middle of a tropical storm on day one of school. (He’s so brave!) So, naturally,in my “free time” I have been taring the house apart and putting it back together in an attempt to not only make our little house and the always to much stuff in it, work for our life, but also to keep from missing him so much. I have considered living vicariously through the dog. She demonstrates her displeasure at being alone by ripping an entire roll of paper towels to shreds all over my toy room/school room/porch. (every room in our home serves multiple purposes). But, since I don’t want to get beat down by the proverbial newspaper roll, I have found other, more productive ways to spend my time. the living room is now clean and the furniture re-arranged, as is our bedroom. The kitchen sink as been full constantly since he left because I have been too busy, no, actually, that is a lie, it’s been that way because I haven’t wanted to do much dishes. I have to tackle that today….ok I digress.

Anyway, school is going well. Johnny boy is on 3rd grade now, Kaitlyn in 1st. Time rushes past and I reflect on the life I’ve been given, and my heart swells with humility and joy. My kids continue to amaze me. They both have grown into fascinating people. I love them, respect them, and admire them so much. I believe they teach me far more every day then I could possibly teach them.

Homeschooling provides opportunity. Here in this town, the homeschooling community is huge and there is always something going on within it. My kids are exposed to what is good for them, yet protected from things and or people that could be a constant source of negative influence in their life. They are more social now then they would be in school because the time they spend with others isn’t just spent in a classroom. And their friends are actually friends not just people they are trapped in a classroom with. It’s a beautiful thing, my kids are happy and secure and they want to be homeschooling. Bottom line? It works for us!

I’m really looking forward to this year! John is still doing seminary classes online, so my nights will be spent getting ready for school the next day or cleaning or relaxing. My goal is to take everything in stride. This is it. The end of my rambling. I’m done for today. Bye 🙂